It's cold and flu season

Ben and I are going through his first cold together. This didn't sound like it would be too bad at first. He did some coughing and sneezing and seemed more tired than usual. However, what I didn't know is that for a baby a cold can turn nasty very quickly. I didn't think I would even need to go to the doctor for this, but I am glad that I did.

I took Ben to the doctor and they listened to him and heard some wheezing in his chest. So they gave me a hand held inhaler to give him albuterol. I took him home after he tried the inhaler a few times at the doc and thought that things would be fine. Well, for the rest of the evening he did not do very well, at least not to me. He kept waking up and looking at me as if he could not breath. He would try to cry out and he turned all red and would not take a breath until I picked him up and set him upright. It seemed to take forever for him to take a breath.

It just kept happening over and over again. We stood in the bathroom with the shower running hot steam, and used the meds we were given according to the instructions. I gave him as much to drink as he wanted. (when he could breath ok) After this happened about 4 times, I called Rob and said that I was taking Ben to the ER because I was too scared for him to keep struggling to breathe.

Well, when we got there his oxygen count was 99 percent which is great. They also told me he was no longer wheezing and that I must have done everything right. We figured that what was happening is that his nose would get so stuffed up that he would try to breathe out of it and instead of trying to breath through his mouth he would just hold his breath because he didn't think he could breathe. This was our best guess of what might be going on.

I took him home and continue giving him treatments of albuterol and ran the humidifier and used the nose aspirator constantly to relieve his congestion. He woke me up almost every hour on the hour that night completely clogged. And he HATES that nose aspirator. It is like wrestling with a little alligator trying to get stuff out of that nose.

There were some sweet moments though in the midst of all the craziness. I felt Ben and I bonding even more than ever. When I held him in the bathroom while we were breathing in steam, he would lean on me and play with my hair or massage my shoulder. I think he just likes being near me when he is sick. That made it easier for me to deal with everything that was going on. There has been a lot of cuddle time.

I noticed he was feeling better today. It was so great to hear him babble and coo with a big grin on his face today.

Mother's musings

I never thought I would be the owner of a blog. But, I felt the need to write down some of the things that have been happening in my life over the last several months.

First of all, for the past 3 1/2 months I have been a mommy! This is something I have always wanted my whole life. This is also the hardest job I have ever had to do. It has stretched me physically to my maximum. And I am sure that I haven't been stretched as far as I will go yet. My son's name is Benjamin and I love him with all of my heart. He has been my constant partner since his birth.

Last week he had surgery. They took my baby and operated on him, and I sat in the waiting room and I swear every time the door opened for another parent to be called back I was on the edge of my seat ready to jump up and run back to get him. I think this was the longest I have been away from him since he was born.

The nurse came to get me and told me that he is ticked off! He wanted to eat. So I went to feed him, and here I am thinking that he is going to eat just fine after surgery. I was way wrong. He was screaming at the top of his lungs. He didn't want the pedialyte they had. So I made him a bottle. We sat and he ate some of it, then all of a sudden he began to throw up everything in his little tummy. Poor little guy.

Then for the rest of the afternoon in between his naps I had to listen to my baby whimper. He ended up being on morphine right after surgery. Then tylenol with codeine. (Thanks to God for a medicine to help him sleep.) He also had to take some gas drops, because that ended up being a major source of his pain as well.

He had to stay at the hospital and in the middle of the night I was told he had a temperature of over 101 degrees. The doctor came back the next morning and let me know we are staying another night. So I decided I may as well get comfortable as I know I will be here awhile with him. In the meantime, the poor little guy doesn't want to eat more than 1 or 2 ounces of formula and begins to do some vomiting. We thought at first it was just the yucky medicine taste.

That evening he was able to hold down 3 ounces of formula at about 3 a.m. Then the doctor came at about 6:40 a.m. to tell me that we could go home! Yay! That is what I was ready to hear.

We went home and Benjamin still could not keep fluids down. We would feed him and then he would get sick all over again. We called the hospital and they said to bring him back. We went to the hospital very discouraged. They took us to a treatment room and they said they might be putting an I.V. into him again. I was a nervous wreck. The last I.V. he had just had removed had been in his head!

Fortunately, the docs sent us back home after tummy xrays and told us to feed him small amounts more frequently. So the next several days were spent feeding and cleaning up after him when he got sick. And I had a little baby come on the day after he came home for me to take care of starting at 6:15 a.m. All of this started on a Tuesday. By Saturday night I was sitting on my couch holding Ben and I began sobbing from total frustration and exhaustion. I think God was trying to stretch me and build my character.

This is what I really wanted in my life. I didn't realize what being a mom was until I tried it.Wow, sometimes I think you need super powers. But, my husband reminded me today that God's grace is sufficient for me. His power is made perfect in my weakness. I usually could do most everything by myself outside of being a mommy. But for this, I realize my need for God! Very much, more than ever. I have literally been so tired that I have gotten down on my hands and knees and begged God to be filled with his spirit and to endure my trials. And this is only the beginning.